Thursday, February 16, 2012

Like Mother Like...Mother?

As the four year anniversary of my mom's passing approaches, it's got me to thinking about my mom and about being a mom and all that goes with it.  This post is going to be about some of the "for instances" of motherhood and drawing parallels to my own mom.

For Instance #1:  Before I had my son, I could drink my own Dr. Pepper, tea, milk or water without anyone drinking after me.  You know, it tell you the truth, I'm not a huge fan of people drinking after me. And I normally don't drink after other people. 

I think back to when my mom would get a fresh glass of tea and I just had to help her drink it.  Mom's tea tasted better than any glass of tea I could make myself.  She could even make me the exact glass of tea, and I tell ya, it just didn't taste like hers did coming out of her glass because it was hers I guess.  Who knows.

Fast forward to me being the mommy.  Jude can have a glass of juice, milk, tea or even the exact glass of soda sitting right next to mine and he will always opt to have a drink of mine.  It's almost a game to him. "Haha mommy, I'm drinking your drink." 

It's funny I never thought about if Mom wanted me to drink after her or not.  Now I realize she may not have actually wanted to share her drink with me. 

For Instance #2: 

 "What do you want Tracy?"

  "I love you." annoying is that?  Yeah that was me as a child.  If I couldn't think of anything else to tell her I'd tell her I love her.  Turns out my son is just like me.


"What Jude? What do you want?

"Are you still my best friend?"

I know, sounds pretty cute huh?  Imagine hearing this, oh don't know, every few minutes sometimes.  Gets less and less cute.  But it's times like this I have to smile and think, well he comes by it honestly. And if my mom could put up with me doing that for years I can put up with it with Jude doing it, can't I? 

For Instance #3:

I remember wanting something, wanting to buy whatever it was I wanted and asking Mom for money.  That's when she'd tell me that she didn't have any money.  To which my response would be, "Well, can't you write a check?"

Truthfully Jude's not quite there yet.  Though there are times when we have to go to Dollar General or WalMart to get essentials and he wants something and I just have to tell him no, that we don't have the extra money to buy toys and such.  And regardless of whether or not Jude needs whatever it is, it kind of makes me feel bad sometimes that can't always buy it.  Working part-time right now money's tight.  Thank goodness it won't always be like this.  (*Crossing my fingers I become full-time in the fall*)

But you know, I think about growing up and my dad started having heart problems and chronic back and leg pain when I was in middle school.  He had to stop working around then.   It was years before he was on full Social Security. I remember Mom working off and on growing up, but she never had a "career".  She was basically a stay at home mom which, those of us who are moms know, is a job in of itself.  So my point had to have been pretty tight for a long time for them.  And here I was asking for money like it was just there for the taking.
Back then I didn't have a concept of money, how truly available or, in this case, unavailable it was.  Becoming an adult, getting married and having a child just puts it all in perspective for me.  What she and my dad must of thought when I'd make comments like "write a check."  Probably thinking "if I could I would..."

You know, as a mother myself now, I think about the things I did...things I asked for without even thinking and I realize just how ungrateful it all seems.  But as a child do you really know any better?  It isn't really until you are put into a situation years later where you can see it all from a different perspective. 

I miss my parents.  Gosh do I ever miss them.  Even now when something happens in my life...that's the first number I start to dial.  Hmmm...wonder if it will always be that way? 

I realize as a mother, my mom was just doing the best she could.  Afterall, isn't being a parent basically trial and error?  Aren't we learning as we go?  I know I will never be Supermom or even a cookie cutter version of the perfect mom... but is there really such thing?

I just want to do the best I can...just like my mom.

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